ACIM lesson 148: To perceive defense, is to perceive attack…

To think I need to defend myself is also to perceive attack…

This was a whole new level of learning for me, since I used to feel constantly under attack when I was younger. Granted I was like most teens: misunderstood, hormonal, angsty, etc.,…

Who isn’t?

Things change. Thankfully. Not gonna lie. I am SO happy “time” changes us.

Thank God that I learned something from when I was a teen.

Like most teens, I remember we perceive that people hated us or didn’t like us for whatever reason we came up with.

They treated me like this because it’s my fault I’m so stupid…

They didn’t accept me into their group because I’m weird…

I must be too fat to be well liked…

This was for me a constant worry. I mean, I technically was sorta thrown out of a group of friends because I hung out with a reject.

But, as it turned out (now I laugh about it), there was a reason this person was not well liked at all. She truly taught me so much. It took years to heal from thistoxic friendship. I later realized it affected my interactions with other people, because I had invested in an ego version of me so powerfully it almost felt like an attack on myself to say I was not the victim of her anymore.

I am extremely loyal…to a fault. I stayed loyal to a story of how weak I had to be to keep a terrible friendship, which served no one including her.

I can justify my victimization and say this is why I felt attacked or that was why I was a victim of a terrible friend. I could but now that I’m healing and forgiving more, I realize I have no need to invest in an invention from the ego.

This is so breathtaking. I never thought it could happen to me. I see my past as a blessing, and not as a curse I thought it was.

There is enough love to heal. We just don’t see it, nor perceive it totally yet.

And sure, it takes time to forgive sometimes, but why should I even blame her anymore? Now that I face God, I see God isn’t going to reject me or her either. I know if I was Him, I wouldn’t reject her either.

The darkness and self-loathing isn’t me anymore. I have no need to defend myself against an illusion anyways.

❤️Cristal