To think I need to defend myself is also to perceive attack…

This was a whole new level of learning for me, since I used to feel constantly under attack when I was younger. Granted I was like most teens: misunderstood, hormonal, angsty, etc.,…

Who isn’t?

Things change. Thankfully. Not gonna lie. I am SO happy “time” changes us.

Thank God that I learned something from when I was a teen.

Like most teens, I remember we perceive that people hated us or didn’t like us for whatever reason we came up with.

They treated me like this because it’s my fault I’m so stupid…

They didn’t accept me into their group because I’m weird…

I must be too fat to be well liked…

This was for me a constant worry. I mean, I technically was sorta thrown out of a group of friends because I hung out with a reject.

But, as it turned out (now I laugh about it), there was a reason this person was not well liked at all. She truly taught me so much. It took years to heal from thistoxic friendship. I later realized it affected my interactions with other people, because I had invested in an ego version of me so powerfully it almost felt like an attack on myself to say I was not the victim of her anymore.

I am extremely loyal…to a fault. I stayed loyal to a story of how weak I had to be to keep a terrible friendship, which served no one including her.

I can justify my victimization and say this is why I felt attacked or that was why I was a victim of a terrible friend. I could but now that I’m healing and forgiving more, I realize I have no need to invest in an invention from the ego.

This is so breathtaking. I never thought it could happen to me. I see my past as a blessing, and not as a curse I thought it was.

There is enough love to heal. We just don’t see it, nor perceive it totally yet.

And sure, it takes time to forgive sometimes, but why should I even blame her anymore? Now that I face God, I see God isn’t going to reject me or her either. I know if I was Him, I wouldn’t reject her either.

The darkness and self-loathing isn’t me anymore. I have no need to defend myself against an illusion anyways.

❤️Cristal

I think I get it. Do you get it? Why is it important to forgive? And to seek the value beyond the world we think exists?

Something in the back of my mind keeps saying I have created nothing of value. It’s the Holy Spirit’s voice and it’s like it wants me to understand why this world holds no value. I can understand what it means in small glimpses, but the truth is deep inside. It’s like Jesus is in my heart, and I am witnessing reality through his eyes only. It’s filled with love, and God, and Truth…nothing else exists. To forgive an illusion such as the world is the understandable action to take when we know it’s a projection of guilt, anger, blame, and any negative feelings. It’s a game we made, but we played ourselves into believing we were really the player we created. We forgot we made this game, but the game is not fun. The game is the opposite of the Truth, it opposses everything God is, and it’s up to us to finally unplug the game.

What we created has nothing of value.

Jesus Calling, a book by Sarah Young, says the same thing! Check it out.

💝Cristal

I know what the ego says is painful, but untrue. Recently I’ve listened hard to my feelings so as to distinguish it from the Holy Spirit.

To listen to someone tell lies like I’m all alone or I’ll never find mySelf, is just cruel. It’s obviously affected my mood, but now I want consistency in happiness.

It’s hard though.

The week has been a lesson on many little things that lead to big problems.

I’ve been on a spiritual retreat with my pain, you could say.

Therefore, silence has been welcomed more and more. I thought I was being too detached from worldly responsibilities, but silence is tuning me into the safety and changes of being in a cocoon. Jesus holds me in there. And then it’s like silence is…

❤️Cristal

If I could look beyond this world what would I see?

If you could see beyond a physical body what would you see?

Do you want to know?

To me, I have to look beyond the projection people have used. When I witness the release of all things they thought they were, and what I think they are, I stay and see their pure light. The projection we think we are is simply illusion. That includes our family, friends, enemies, animals, etc.,…

Is everything I think therefore a lie.

I’d rather not think about it too much. I can only know what I know.

❤️Cristal

What a day. Is it an awful day…

Maybe I do judge today as awful. Tiring. Terrible…

But I will look at these feelings today with the help of the Holy Spirit, and I’ll wish for all his strength. His strength can guide me when I feel alone and confused.

I guess today is about accepting how I feel.

My picture has problems loading but honestly that just isn’t surprising. My phones photos kept randomly disappearing. They’re important photos too. My life is not detailed on this blogs, it’s just for the love I have for God.
Other things happen but I usually don’t include them here. I want this blog to be about my relationship with God.

When we feel we can’t do much ourselves, what is left to do but allow someone wiser to guide us. So let’s let the Holy Spirit lead…

❤️ Cristal

While in the quiet of the morning

I heard nothing.

God was there

And offered me a shoulder to rest my head.

I couldn’t ask for more because

I arrived where I was looking for all along.

Poem by Maria Cristal Mejia. 10/07/19

Just be patient today. If you’re one with God, everything will be ok. It just takes a moment to realize everything in your day will actually be fine.

♥️Cristal

Repetition breeds success.

Practice does perfect.

Do it over and over again until it’s just right. Isn’t it true? Aren’t all three true? Of course they are. Success comes from practice, and repetition until it becomes like second nature.

My mind has had some struggles. I don’t think talking about my distractibility and anxiety would help, but I will say I’ve been trying hard to only focus on the silence between my thoughts.

At some points I even doubt whether I’m even the thoughts.

They’re my thoughts, or are they?

If I’m not my thoughts, then who am I?

I feel happy in thinking that perhaps it’s ok not to identify with who I think I am.

♥️ Cristal

Sometimes if we think about who we were before we thought we knew, we realize the importance of who we think we’re not anymore.

Without the stories and ideas of who we think we should be, who are we really?

We forget how beautiful and amazing our light shinned when we were kids.

I remember my confidence, my intuition, my fun, my wonderment, my self-expression, my conviction, my faith in myself, my love of life, my pushiness to get what I wanted, my openness to the world, and so much more.

When we were kids we didn’t know how fortunate we were to have little wordly knowledge and experience.

Don’t you also remember growing up and being programmed into who we were taught to be?

We were programmed to use, trust, and believe in things that usually left us feeling distrusting, victimized, and feeling worthless.

But looking back…how did it feel to find nothing wrong with the world? How did it feel to love and be loved simply for being there?

God, I will open myself to that beautiful reality of love again.

♥️ Cristal

I loved putting my thoughts and this painting together. I edited the picture a few days ago and wanted something meaningful to come out of it.

My thoughts finally came together because I couldn’t hold them in. Jesus wants me to continue sharing my thoughts. Thank you for listening. 🙂

♥️ Cristal